A Sexually Active Retirement
The advent of Viagra and other pharmaceuticals which enhance one’s later-life sexual performance has addressed many of the physical barriers that prevented older men and women from enjoying (and sustaining) a sexual encounter – be it with a spouse or otherwise. Unfortunately, there’s an entirely different kind of barrier which still remains – a barrier that inhibits their free expression of desire, eroticism, and play: Attitude.
Most of us are conditioned to assume that elderly people don’t have a sex-life; that erotic desire and romantic physicality evaporates as they creep into their 60’s and beyond. To be sure, there is certainly a decrease in the intensity of both men’s and women’s sex drive – but that doesn’t mean it disappears altogether!
Our modern-day, youth-oriented culture tends to privilege wrinkle-free bodies. It’s considered normal and natural for young people to think about, want, and engage in lots of sex. But if an older person expresses any interest in sex, alarm bells go off in our heads. Especially when speaking of males, the term “Dirty Old Man” is never far from our minds – a label we are often far too quick to apply. But just because a man is feeling aroused, or wishes to experience the close physicality that makes sex such a universal joy, does that automatically make him “dirty?”
On the contrary, it makes him completely human.
Perhaps the most stalwart adherents to the attitude that sex is not for older people is older people themselves. This is unfortunate, because such a view can lead to loneliness, alienation, depression, or a diminished quality of life. A far healthier approach to physical intimacy among the aged is to acknowledge that sexual drive (and practice) needn’t disappear – it can simply be “re-tooled” (pun most certainly intended) to adapt to the conditions of a physical body that doesn’t respond as quickly as it once did. This approach stresses closeness over penetration, warmth over “heat,” and a greater value placed on the journey instead of the destination. In other words, sex among the elderly doesn’t only have to be about erections and orgasms.
Sex between two (or more!) consenting adults can (and should!) be fun at any age. Elderly people who continue to have sex are much more likely to go through life with a sustained sense of vitality and vigour that is far too rare in our older populations. The first step toward that elusive goal is to acknowledge that sex after 60 is a very good thing.